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Posts Tagged ‘children’

I shall imitate the dolphin
And ride the waves of laughter
I will invade the world with joy
and conquer everafter

The song of the greatest whale
is the lullaby of tides
my soul sings in love and hope
who said love’s dead, has lied

I will flow with the water of time
Take care, collect my answers
I shall dream my dreams and own them
My thoughts will soar, like dancers

I’ll shun the deception in the wind
I’ll listen to my heart
I will not weep for days gone by
I’ll not be torn apart

I’ll float upon the world of the sea
Caress and gently rock my soul
Ride the high waves with my love of life
It’s mine, It’s mine, I have it all

By Barbara Thompson

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Perfection, noun

“the condition, state, or quality of being free or as free as possible from all flaws or defects”Oxford Dictionary Pointless pursuit of perfection

Why do we strive constantly for perfection, what is perfection? What is enough? When do we find acceptance and understand that we can only do so much before the cracks start to show, before we start to splinter a little bit at a time, before the cracks become to large and it becomes difficult to find our way back.

I am a perfectionist, a work-horse, a task master, an unyielding “encourager”! Which at times I am told, is hell to live with – this I cannot deny.

I am  one of those people who clears the dishes right after the last person puts the last morsel of food into there mouth (this can sometimes feel like an eternity with an 8 year old). I am the person who packs the dishwasher as I am cooking – just so that I can work in an ordered environment. I am the person who brushes their teeth and wipes down the bathroom bench top at the same time. I am the person who cannot climb under the bed covers during the day if I decide to have a rest – bedcovers are only going to sleep at night you see. I cannot go to bed and sleep peacefully with a  kitchen piled with dishes. I like my knee rugs and table tops to be neatly arranged when I lie my head down on my plumped pillow at night. I agonise over which pen to write with as I like a really fine nib that doesn’t “splotch” or mark my papers. I have started hand-written journals a dozen times only to throw them out – what’s authentic about writing in pencil only to rub it out because it is not neat enough or the grammar is questionable. If truth be told, the list goes on and on and it is simply a part of who I am.

I can laugh at these character traits in my personality, it’s my quirks and foibles that make up the person that is me, but, where it becomes a problem is when it impacts on those around me and creates tension, stress and discontentment in them. Over the years I have pushed my husband to strive for bigger and better opportunities, to push himself hard towards that elusive place called success. In reality he was already on that path by his own means, I simply rushed it along at a dizzying speed. This was not all bad, it meant travel, adventure and promotion, but, along with that came stress, discontentment and uncertainty, not the ingredients for the “perfect family life”.  Am I responsible for his success or failure, no, but I am guilty of putting my own measure against it. Unfortunately my pursuit of perfection does not always remain contained in a box just for me.

I have two bright, kind, generous, beautiful children, an intelligent, kind and generous husband. They are not perfect, they are human and fallible just like all of us, but, at times I forget that. I forget that they don’t function on my command, they make their own choices, they do their best, they make their own mistakes, have their own successes. They measure all of this by their own yard stick, not mine.

What I have learnt: Through my journey of introspection, forgiveness and acceptance, I have learnt I have the capacity to accept life as it is. I have learnt that I can only adjust my own behaviour and perception and that everyone else’s is there own, and how they choose to use the life they have been given is not in my control. I have learnt that I can provide a safe, loving, healthy home for my children, so that they may grow into the human beings they choose to be, but I cannot force them to be anything other than themselves. I have learnt that it is possible to truly love someone even if at times, I do not like them. I have learnt that we are all enough.

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How can a heart feel such pain
Without exploding into a million fragments
How can a soul burn with such fire
Without turning the world to cinders
How many tears have to flow
Before a river is created
My body aches with sadness
My mind is dulled and grey
I am injured by grief and sorrow
How long is this road I tread?
Is there sunshine up ahead?

By Barbara Thompson

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“See me first and then my disability, or just see me.” – Robert Pio Hajjar

I have a friend who has been given a gift, this gift is filled with joy, filled with innocence, filled with love. this gift is like no other gift, you can’t return it or exchange it, you can’t re-package it or put it in the cupboard to pass on to someone else. This gift is forever. This gift is her son and he has Down syndrome.

In the last year or so I have watched as my friend has been knocked down time and time again by an unforgiving system, (with exception of a few) that doesn’t seem to be able to support her or is unwilling to find ways to do so. Every time she is knocked down, she stands right back up and starts all over again. I can only guess at the mental and emotional resilience required by her and her family to constantly face the negativity, discrimination and inequity that she has to deal with on a daily basis.

In the short time I have known this beautiful boy I have been blessed to experience his unguarded excitement, exuberant affection, focussed determination and heartfelt gentleness. This boy is no better than any other child, he is not perfect,  he doesn’t deserve more than anyone else, he is just like every other little boy and girl. He laughs, learns, plays and gets into mischief just like all the other children.

“I won’t change anything about Archie because he has Down syndrome, I won’t take that away.” ~ Archie & Me

Yes, he does need extra help in school and looking after him requires a little extra vigilance as the sighting of a butterfly might catch his eye and send him running after it onto another adventure. Maybe at times if we could see life through his almond shaped eyes, we could remember the wonder that the world holds and forgive his flights of fancy and thank him for showing us another view. Maybe we could help him on his way to his dreams and we may even be lucky enough to catch some of his magic along the way.


“when people like me are given love, encouragement and opportunity, amazing results are possible” ~ Rober Pio Hajjar – Ideal Way

As an observer in my friends world, I am grateful that she has chosen the long and difficult road of including her son in a mainstream school, in doing so, she opens up our children’s world to learn tolerance, inclusion, compassion and equality and for that I am grateful.

The world is not a perfect place, it is messy, joyful, sad, complicated and colourful, we would all do well to remember that we are only a very small part of what makes up a very big planet for which we all have our own purpose to be on and share.

To my dear friend, your road is long and challenging but you are brave and strong and we will all be by your side as you make your journey. Not only to support you and your family but also to share in the magic that follows you. Thank you for letting us be a part of your son’s life, in doing so, you have shared your precious gift with us.

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Everybody has the right to have a voice, their reasons are their own. For some it is simply to say what they need to and in doing so it allows them to share the weight of what they are feeling, for some it is to give courage to others and for some it is simply to get it off their chest. Thank you for sharing your story. 

This is Mary’s story. To brighter futures

There has been 2 stories in the news lately that have really affected me. Firstly, Allison and then this Italian family. I have decided that I want to share some of my story, if you wish to read it, but mainly to get it off my chest.

I will try not to bore you completely but it went really downhill in December 2011

I hadn’t seen my son for 4 days and when I called to speak to him, I was refused or my calls went unanswered. On the day my ex dropped him back to me (at a friend’s place close to his father’s) at 4pm he was dropped at 7:30 which had left my partner and I at a Xmas party my son had been invited to, without my son, for 3 1/2 hours. To put it nicely, I was cranky and let my ex know!

Anyway, Christmas Eve comes around and we hadn’t heard from him for days and the kids are waiting for him to turn up to spend the day with him. He never shows up and doesn’t answer his phone all day. He then calls on Xmas day and tells the kids he was busy yesterday and they then ask to spend an hour or so today being Xmas Day with him and again he says no as ‘your Mother won’t let me.’ I am standing right there and had already told the kids they could go. So then another excuse was forthcoming.

I then contacted him again on the 30th December to ask if he had any intention at all of seeing his children over this holiday period and as we are going away on the 1st did he want them overnight that night? He had to ask Caroline and then let me know. He did have them overnight that night, but I had to take them there.

Then the penny drops!

I have the police call me at while I was away to say they are looking for me to serve me with a DVO (domestic Violence Order) as my ex has said that I punched him in the nose and in the mouth and also told him to ‘grow a penis’ on the 18th December.

He had requested that an urgent order be served on me as he was in fear of his safety.

There were other people there that night and he did not take a photo of himself, see a doctor or report it to the police. He waited 3 days and then has his ‘piece of work’ solicitor lodge it for him.

There were events in my marriage that had things gone a little too far, I too could have been an Allison, but I would never have used them legally to gain an advantage or use the law as in the Italian case, to get my own way.

I have been in court 3 times this year and spent over thousands of dollars fighting this. I did end up a DVO against me, but a very mild one (must not swear at him or commit domestic violence) as I did confess to the ‘grow a penis’  but at least he and his solicitor did not get their way which was the whole intention anyway, to have my children taken from me.

Ironically, after all this rubbish and over the last 3 years being harassed, bullied, blackmailed etc he has now written letters to the children that he won’t be seeing them anymore as it is in their best interest. Even though I had a parenting agreement done where he can have them every second weekend he has decided on this….

I have always encouraged the kids to see their dad and have a relationship with him but maybe he is right and it is in their best interests not to see him?

Well at least I am starting to get my life back, the kids are doing really well and we have some exciting plans in the wind.

Take care

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Be at peace
Be still
Be one with the world
Be one with your fellow man
Love overwhelmingly
Love everything
Forgive instantly
Let go, Let God
Don’t question nature
Embrace it
Celebrate life
Set your soul on fire
Find fulfilment
Find joy, find happiness
Find the wonder that is you
Protect the weak
Guide the lost
Love the lonely
Be at peace
Be still

By Barbara Thompson

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If making love is the small death
then I now believe the betrayal
by ones emotions is the big one
To find out someone you have adored
for years has feet of clay
To perceive them in what must be the reality like the shattering of glass
To watch someone who always
seemed larger than life
shrink before your eyes, to regress
to crass emotions and endeavours
This is the the ultimate betrayal
This is that loss of love

There is nothing new under the sun
Life is a dress rehearsal
Dream your dream, it can be done
It’s all there for your perusal
One night, the stars dress up for you
Next day a tempest rages
and there’s nothing you can say or do
To turn, torn and dirty pages
This, to shall pass, wise men say
There’s no pain that you can’t bear
It looks, like life is just a cliche
The cloth you cut, is what you’ll wear
Why was I for, what am I living
Cries the heart thats badly broken
What happened to the world forgiving
Has my life been just a forgotten token

I remember so clearly the day I was
Abused
I remember the man, dark hair, moustache
Brown shirt, yellow tie and shiny knife
Seven other children watched in shock
No-one tried to move, scream or help
I remember the police and they scared
Me as much as the man
I remember being seven and I remember
The feeling of being absolutely and totally alone
There were no conversations about it
No-one explained, there was no help
I had nightmares for years
Only in the last years have I
Managed to confront it – The reaction
Was the same, so what, who cares
And I remember, the fear and the
Old guilt that somehow it was my
Own fault
Do we ever get rid of the old shadows
in our lives?
Are we allowed to dine in peace?
The books and and Know-it-alls say yes
But is it really true?

By Barbara Thompson

Footnote: This is the most I have ever heard about the abuse my mother endured, she never spoke of it. I knew something had happened when she was a young girl, but I never knew her age, I never truly knew her pain.  

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