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Everybody has the right to have a voice, their reasons are their own. For some it is simply to say what they need to and in doing so it allows them to share the weight of what they are feeling, for some it is to give courage to others and for some it is simply to get it off their chest. Thank you for sharing your story. 

This is Mary’s story. To brighter futures

There has been 2 stories in the news lately that have really affected me. Firstly, Allison and then this Italian family. I have decided that I want to share some of my story, if you wish to read it, but mainly to get it off my chest.

I will try not to bore you completely but it went really downhill in December 2011

I hadn’t seen my son for 4 days and when I called to speak to him, I was refused or my calls went unanswered. On the day my ex dropped him back to me (at a friend’s place close to his father’s) at 4pm he was dropped at 7:30 which had left my partner and I at a Xmas party my son had been invited to, without my son, for 3 1/2 hours. To put it nicely, I was cranky and let my ex know!

Anyway, Christmas Eve comes around and we hadn’t heard from him for days and the kids are waiting for him to turn up to spend the day with him. He never shows up and doesn’t answer his phone all day. He then calls on Xmas day and tells the kids he was busy yesterday and they then ask to spend an hour or so today being Xmas Day with him and again he says no as ‘your Mother won’t let me.’ I am standing right there and had already told the kids they could go. So then another excuse was forthcoming.

I then contacted him again on the 30th December to ask if he had any intention at all of seeing his children over this holiday period and as we are going away on the 1st did he want them overnight that night? He had to ask Caroline and then let me know. He did have them overnight that night, but I had to take them there.

Then the penny drops!

I have the police call me at while I was away to say they are looking for me to serve me with a DVO (domestic Violence Order) as my ex has said that I punched him in the nose and in the mouth and also told him to ‘grow a penis’ on the 18th December.

He had requested that an urgent order be served on me as he was in fear of his safety.

There were other people there that night and he did not take a photo of himself, see a doctor or report it to the police. He waited 3 days and then has his ‘piece of work’ solicitor lodge it for him.

There were events in my marriage that had things gone a little too far, I too could have been an Allison, but I would never have used them legally to gain an advantage or use the law as in the Italian case, to get my own way.

I have been in court 3 times this year and spent over thousands of dollars fighting this. I did end up a DVO against me, but a very mild one (must not swear at him or commit domestic violence) as I did confess to the ‘grow a penis’  but at least he and his solicitor did not get their way which was the whole intention anyway, to have my children taken from me.

Ironically, after all this rubbish and over the last 3 years being harassed, bullied, blackmailed etc he has now written letters to the children that he won’t be seeing them anymore as it is in their best interest. Even though I had a parenting agreement done where he can have them every second weekend he has decided on this….

I have always encouraged the kids to see their dad and have a relationship with him but maybe he is right and it is in their best interests not to see him?

Well at least I am starting to get my life back, the kids are doing really well and we have some exciting plans in the wind.

Take care

My mothers voice

My mothers voice.

Just waiting

Just waiting

I will wait for you
until no others wait
I will wait like a sentinel
ever silent, ever watching
I will wait forever
or until the end of time
I will never give up
I will never give in
and next when you look,
when you look around the corner,
looking for a friend
you’ll find me
always waiting, just for you

By Barbara Thompson

Nothing is perfect

Nothing is perfect, except maybe the stars and snowflakes
And only God may point a finger
You have no right to open my wounds
So go now, please don’t linger
I refuse the guilt you want me to feel
I refuse the hatred you send my way
I refuse the contempt and lack of compassion
I refuse your pity each and every day
The way you behave, breaks my heart
The foolish things you say and do
Look in the mirror, when you judge so harshly
The person looking back, surely can’t be you
I feel as though in a dreamlike trance
In waking, will I be rid of the pain?
I love you more than the sun and the moon
Please bring back the sun, please shut out the rain
I am the walking wounded
I am the broken loser
I’m alive, but really dead
A foolish self abuser

By Barbara Thompson

Untitled (Be still)

Be at peace
Be still
Be one with the world
Be one with your fellow man
Love overwhelmingly
Love everything
Forgive instantly
Let go, Let God
Don’t question nature
Embrace it
Celebrate life
Set your soul on fire
Find fulfilment
Find joy, find happiness
Find the wonder that is you
Protect the weak
Guide the lost
Love the lonely
Be at peace
Be still

By Barbara Thompson

If making love is the small death
then I now believe the betrayal
by ones emotions is the big one
To find out someone you have adored
for years has feet of clay
To perceive them in what must be the reality like the shattering of glass
To watch someone who always
seemed larger than life
shrink before your eyes, to regress
to crass emotions and endeavours
This is the the ultimate betrayal
This is that loss of love

There is nothing new under the sun
Life is a dress rehearsal
Dream your dream, it can be done
It’s all there for your perusal
One night, the stars dress up for you
Next day a tempest rages
and there’s nothing you can say or do
To turn, torn and dirty pages
This, to shall pass, wise men say
There’s no pain that you can’t bear
It looks, like life is just a cliche
The cloth you cut, is what you’ll wear
Why was I for, what am I living
Cries the heart thats badly broken
What happened to the world forgiving
Has my life been just a forgotten token

I remember so clearly the day I was
Abused
I remember the man, dark hair, moustache
Brown shirt, yellow tie and shiny knife
Seven other children watched in shock
No-one tried to move, scream or help
I remember the police and they scared
Me as much as the man
I remember being seven and I remember
The feeling of being absolutely and totally alone
There were no conversations about it
No-one explained, there was no help
I had nightmares for years
Only in the last years have I
Managed to confront it – The reaction
Was the same, so what, who cares
And I remember, the fear and the
Old guilt that somehow it was my
Own fault
Do we ever get rid of the old shadows
in our lives?
Are we allowed to dine in peace?
The books and and Know-it-alls say yes
But is it really true?

By Barbara Thompson

Footnote: This is the most I have ever heard about the abuse my mother endured, she never spoke of it. I knew something had happened when she was a young girl, but I never knew her age, I never truly knew her pain.  

When God made me

When God made me

When God made me he must have laughed
Him, and the angels too
He made me short and rather plain
not lamb, but mutton stew
But he gave me brains and intellect
and a strange bouquet of talent
Blonde hair, blue eyes an upturned nose
and a temper, sometimes violent
He put me on a rocky road, swirling in a storm
but he gave me love and hope and joy
that today still keeps me warm
I realise now, that this small life
has really been a test
to find my faults, my fears, the ways
that I can do my best
So don’t despair, take heed of me
and put your soul to rest
I’m living proof, that when he laughed, he laughed at me, and got it off His chest

By Barbara Thompson

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